I have photos of myself with my ex boyfriends all over my home. My husband likes it cause he says it’s part of my history.
I hate long distance relationships so I’m moving the fridge to my bedroom.
You Might Also Like
The initials of the Sri Lankan players read like DOS commands. MKDIR, CHKDSK.
Great books in 140. The Great Gatsby. In 1922 a mysterious millionaire is obsessed with a now married former girlfriend and has to be shot.
“Come to me flesh of my flesh”.
*embarrassing teenagers is easy.
Did you know a tornado with no debris is called a naked twister?
Related: This evening is not going how I imagined.
mary: excuse me, waiter? i asked you to stop bringing him juice
waiter: we did, we’ve only given him water
10 year old jesus: *winks at camera*
[commercial for soup]
Have you ever wanted to eat regular food only with water poured all over it?
professor x: whats your superpower
ostrich: i lay big egg
professor x [telepathically to xmen]: i can save us money on breakfast
ostrich [telepathically]: egg no for sale
Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet.
4yo: I don’t have any other feet..
Me: Fair enough.
I stole one of those Krispy Kreme “HOT NOW” signs and hung it over our bed because good communication is important in a marriage.