Dear People who like me,
I appreciate every single two of you.
I hate spelling errors
You mix up two letters and your whole tweet is urined
You Might Also Like
Coworker *parks Prius
Coworker 2 *locks bike up
Me *bounces by on jumping exercise ball made of recycled tires* POSERS!
If I have 5 apples and I give you 2 of them, just take the other 3 cause I’m going out for tacos
Jealousy is one of the seven deadly sins because the next thing you know you need a shovel and an alibi.
*receives get well soon card*
Oh yeah, why didn’t I think of that?
*gets well soon*
Noah build an ark
I’m gunna flood the earth
“just give me fish powers”
[jealous he didn’t think of that] JUST DO WHAT I SAY!
Messages you through eBay.
Hi, why did you block me?
Him: So whattayou wanna do?
Her: I dunno
Him: So…You wanna play video games?
Him: So…You wanna watch me play video games?
Guys, if your lady tells you she needs windshield wiper blades, SHE DOES NOT MEAN FOR CHRISTMAS!