WHY WON’T THOSE FOOTBALL PLAYERS LISTEN TO THE EXCELLENT ADVICE MY HUSBAND IS SCREAMING AT THEM?
I hate these new video games that make you talk to other characters. The fact I hate conversations is the reason I’m playing video games.
You Might Also Like
All these years you thought your grandma had Alzheimers, and turns out she just didn’t want to talk to you.
“Tell me one of your long term goals”
“No, I meant-”
*leans in way too close* My answer isn’t going to change
What is “Fine”
I’ll take passive-aggressive responses for $800, Alex…
Whenever my girlfriend and I share a meal, I let her have the first bite because I’m a gentleman.
Also, to see if it’s been poisoned.
If you liked “These Boots Are Made for Walkin” youll enjoy other hits like “This Toaster Toasts Things” and “Whats the Phone Number for 911”
Sometimes, when I’m bored, I tell my mother-in-law to relax.
Me *tries to open website*
Captcha: Prove you’re not a robot
Captcha: Live an emotionally fulfilling life
Me: can’t I just click on a box
M: Why are the crazies called insane instead of unsane?
Prosecutor: Number 3 is excused from jury duty.
M: *mumbles* works every time
Me: HAIL SATAN!!
Me: I mean, your sister is on the phone.