@El_nacho_Nigre: I hate to say "I told you so", so Im going to sing it.
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@thepunningman: [interview] Boss: Your CV says eggs, milk, bread Me: That's right [cut to supermarket] Wife: Excuse me, where are the attention to details?
@nealbrennan: "Grampa, how did you support gay marriage? Did you march like civil rights ppl?" "No. Marching's hard. I tweeted about it."
@KMoFlo_official: 6y/o: “Mom, can I brush your hair?” Me: “Well, you don’t really brush curly hair, but...that’s fine.” 6y/o, after spending 40 minutes brushing my hair: *puts the hood of my sweatshirt over my hair* “That’s better. Just keep that on.”