@shutupmikeginn: I hate when I see the moon during the day. Go to bed dude.
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@Annoyedworld: I broke my arm when I was a kid, my Dad carried me ten miles to the hospital, he has cancer, so that's why my tattoo is hot nurse. -LA Ink.
@AbrasiveGhost: ME:[just inaugurated as president] Where's the nuke button ADVISOR: why ME:[crumpling photo of my 5th grade bully] I just wanna see it
@justokdane: God: got bears? Noah: Yup God: got birds? Noah: Ya God: Unicorns? Noah: Um... the bears ate them God: WHAT Noah: IT'S A LOGISTICAL NIGHTMARE
@hippieswordfish: Neolib twitter: “my 1 year old just asked me why Donald trump holds such disdain for women and minorities?” My Twitter: my 6 year old just asked “Why does dogs elbows is so sharp”