@MartaEffing: I hate when I take a nap on a park bench and everyone assumes I homeless. People with houses get tired, too.
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@Marlebean: I should have used more oils to get this off easier.. I'm trying to jerk it off but it won't come. Honey, dinner is stuck to the pan.
@djdarrellripley: My mom has a rule that we do nothing on Christmas that Jesus didn't do. Apparently, Jesus drank a pitcher of martinis & hit on the caterer..
@AristotlesNZ: Watching Mickey's Clubhouse with my 4yo and even he's asking why the hell would a duck like Donald need a life jacket.
@HenpeckedHal: teacher: your son said you threatened to beat him? me: at checkers! teacher: and forced him to sleep outside? me: we went camping! teacher: and made up his peanut allergy so he couldn't share your snickers? me: yeah, that one I did