When a fish is swimming alone, does it mean it’s bunking school?
I hate when I’m hanging up my clothes and I find an unused treadmill from 1981.
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me: I just don’t think this relationship is healthy for either of us
bucket of fried chicken:
*strips buck naked*Buck: Give me back my clothes !
Kid: I don’t like mac-n-cheese anymore.
DENIAL: You still like it.
ANGER: YOU WILL EAT IT!
BARGAINING: If you eat it, you can have dessert.
ACCEPTANCE: I will make you chicken nuggets.
Kid: I don’t like chicken nuggets anymore.
Someone asked me what the sound of one hand clapping was so I slapped his face.
if you can’t handle me at my worst is there another preferably more affordable therapist you can refer me to
2020 caught us wishing we could cancel our plans so it made us smoke an entire carton of canceling our plans
Why does lipgloss last 43 minutes on my lips but 17 years on my coffee mug?
A teacher grabbed my arm in the 3rd grade and pulled me to the back of the line. When I asked what I did, she said you know what you did. I’m 47 and I still don’t know.
DOCTOR: a new study says the meds ur on cause hallucinations
LARGE MENACING CACTUS THAT FOLLOWS ME EVERYWHERE: was it peer reviewed?