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@TheHyyyype

When you drive, be careful to look out for bikes. Sometimes they’re unchained so you can pull over and just take them.

@SteveKoehler22

Fashion Facts –

Adam was the first designer-
with his Eden line of clothing

Eve wore his first creation-
the ribbed t-shirt with fig leaf

@KevinFarzad

This man recorded his son every day for a decade. The footage is breathtaking and takes 10 years to watch.

@Reverend_Scott

JUDGE: I find you guilty of murder. Sentenced to life.

LAWYER: But it was only 20 minutes of murder.

JUDGE: Oh, then you’re free to go.

@singwithTaffy

(friends getting chinese noodles without you)
that’s pretty lo, mein

@House_Feminist

I am truly grieving for everyone who thinks they are too cool to wear a fanny pack because you all deserve to live this unencumbered hands-free lifestyle

@Sanbel11

[job interview for psychic]

INTERVIEWER: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

ME: Well played.

@DosieDoe

*Do not consume if seal is broken*

I’ve just gone through this whole box of animal crackers and haven’t found one seal.

@Sickayduh

Even the most racially sensitive person you know gets a little skeptical when the chef at a Chinese restaurant isn’t Asian