“If anyone has a reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace”
(from the back)
He saw Creed live in 2003
I hate when someone is on the machine right next to me at the gym and I feel pressured to share these cheese fries.
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yeah i got a gym membership. its called life. watch me lift this big ass rock. now im gonna do 20 reps of pretending im a beautiful bird
“I’m having a public meltdown!!” – A Snowman, maybe.
*Deletes account because a stranger on the internet told them to
I didn’t see San Andreas because I heard there’s not a scene where a therapist tells the seismologist, “It’s not your fault.”
omfg i HATE when kids scream in public… u have no real problems. it should be me screaming. ME
“HOLY SHIT IT’S SUPERMAN!”
– Clark Kent’s first day at work wearing contact lenses
OKAY BUT WHY DID I NOT KNOW THERE WERE MORE PICS OF BIG CAT WITH PICKLE
My kids are so aware that I’m a bad driver that if I start the car before they have their seatbelts on, they cry.
My favorite parts of the Bible are when Jesus is alone talking to God (himself) and someone who wasn’t there is writing about it.