Why use 2 A’s in the name Aaron? Why not 17? What’s stopping us?
I have a black cat called Blackie and a fish called Fishface, so I get it guy who named the Walkie talkie.
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I know this place will prepare my taxes competently–they have a guy dressed as the Statue of Liberty waving at passersby.
-no one ever
Drinking alone last week
– i “have a problem”
Drinking alone today at 11 am
– saving your nana’s life
So I’m pounding a few nails in the wall to hang pictures AT THREE PM not in the middle of the night and my neighbor comes in SCREAMING and files a report against me. I hate living on this submarine.
At Twitter HQ
J: Users haven’t complained in a while, what’s going on?
Devs: Oh, we’ve got just the thing
“Do you have any questions?”
– Yeah, inTitanic why did Jack sink when he died but everyone else floated?
Little known fact: a penguin’s head can rotate 390 degrees. Once.
friend: hey are you up for a blind date tomorrow night?
friend: does 8 sound good?
me: nah that’s out of my league, better find me a 4
I really wish I could hug some of you and maybe set fire to a few of you.