my grandpa: [watching me set up an email account] your password is 8 stars?
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HER: I love when a guy speaks other languages
HER: *closes her browser, metaphorically*
i wish i lost weight as fast as i lose motivation
CIVIL ENGINEER: ok let’s build stuff.
UNCIVIL ENGINEER: *smashes popsicle stick bridge*
gonna make a bumper sticker for my car that says “MY KID IS SMARTER THAN YOU’RE KID” just to troll the grammar nazis behind me
“I’m in your city”.
me: ok. enjoy it.
My age reversal cream is working. It gave me zits.
MARRIAGE TIP: When your wife forgets to set the timer and incinerates dinner, DO NOT whistle “If I Only Had a Brain” from the Wizard of Oz.
Imagine the shock of seeing her in RL with her average sized eyeballs and no antlers…
I know this is the kind of thing everyone avoids talking about, but I’m going to say it.
I think I’m smarter than most, if not all, babies.