@2tickytacky: I have a kidney to donate. It's not mine, so I don't know much about it.
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@asamantha321: if your Snapchat story is just one straight minute of you driving and singing along to a song I’m showing your insurance company bc honestly I’m tired of it
@dreamthievin: New neighbor came over and said "I'm required by state law to introduce myself." Odd pickup line, but guess who has a date tonight, guys!
@hippieswordfish: FRED: *removing villains mask* SCOOBY DOO: rarent we rall rust rearing retaphorical rasks to risguise rour true rideous relves FRED: what
@iliezabeth: ALIEN:*points at Chihuahua* whats that? ME: a dog ALIEN:*points at Husky* whats that? ME: dog ALIEN:*getting angry, points at Pug* whats THA