My daughter’s school was closed for fog.
Back in my day, Godzilla could be destroying the city & the principal would be like “2-hour delay”
I have an important question about the movie CATS which will ultimately determine whether or not I see it:
At any point in the film does one of the CATS cats sit in a cardboard box that is a little too small for them
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Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together, Hermoine went alone and got attacked by a troll.
Teenaged Shark: *opening lunch box* ughh not peanut butter and jellyfish AGAIN
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is basically Saw, but with desserts.
Me: *trying to fill the void with food and booze*
Fellow Astronaut: THAT WAS 12 YEARS WORTH OF SUPPLIES!
me: I broke my leg, can anyone help
guy: I know what to do
me: oh thank goodness
guy: *loading shotgun* I learned from looking after horses
me: k wait
I’m taking my niece and nephew to the corn maze today. If I can’t lose them there, I’ll try the mall again.
A guy told me I’m bad at flirting and I got so mad I took back all the dead birds I nailed to his door.
ME: Just don’t mention anything about breaking free & they won’t suspect a thing
FREDDIE MERCURY *clears throat*
fidget spinners are whack, when I was in 8th grade we’d shove a spoonful of cinnamon down our throats and try to survive for fun