I have an important question about the movie CATS which will ultimately determine whether or not I see it:

At any point in the film does one of the CATS cats sit in a cardboard box that is a little too small for them

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Just heard a woman ask if she left her teeth over there

Really hoping this is Halloween related


If your wife makes a comment and you ask “how is that my problem?” It just became your problem.


Pro Tip : Don’t shout at a mate going through airport security “You are the bomb dude, you are the bomb !!”


Trainer: Are you wearing lipstick? Me: OMG no, that’s just wine.


therapist: eliminate the negative energy from your life

me: [nods] stop eating vegetables

therapist: no


They said the kids that bullied me in school would be pumping my gas one day but 1 just got a modeling contract who do I talk to about this


[spider walking into first spin class] What’s the deal with the bikes?