If someone came to my door & said “We’ll give you a dollar for every plastic bag shoved under your kitchen sink.” I’d be living large.
I have Facebook like reflexes.
“Don’t you mean cat-like reflexes?”
*throws a book and hits you right in the face*
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my disrespectful teen son somehow got hold of a gluten product and now he wants to become a cat girl
Word of advice to all the babies readying to leave the womb: Don’t.
detective: dammit *slams fist on table* tell me where he is
me: [confidently] the Fourth of July picnic
detective: but where exactly?
me: *holding where’s waldo book* oh i’m gonna need more time
My house fluctuates between smelling like a freshly baked cake or a tropical island vacation because aromatherapy provides what I cannot.
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride
My husband is volunteering to dress as the grim reaper and walk around stores where the folx are leisurely shopping and chatting.
I’ve never understood why someone would rob a liquor store for the money.
Robert Pattinson can play Batman but Christian Bale could never play Edward Cullen
Hold that thought while I slip into something more comfortable.
*moves to Fiji*