@krishna_van

I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find ’em.

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@Desert_Musings

Me: Yeah, mosquitos always loved me. Your grandpa used meat tenderizer on my bites.
Son: Wow. That’s harsh.
M: I think because there’s salt in it.
S: Oh! The seasoning! I thought he actually used a meat mallet on you!
M: Umm…no…

@TheBoydP

How many colors and shades is it okay to just call white?

Men: 58

Women: 1

@chairkeyre

Plate tectonics is just God playing with a Rubik’s Cube

@PetrickSara

Sorry kids, Santa’s elves only make toys that would sell for under $20 retail.

@PaperWash

If your online dating profile says “I don’t have sex on the first date” then that’s why you’re on a dating website.

@kimholcomb

“I WAS SUPPORTING LOCAL BUSINESSES!” I screamed my scale.

@AbleLikes

I don’t think nachos cure hiccups, but I’m willing to test this theory for the good of humanity. I will report my findings post haste

@thatdutchperson

People: cheer up, things could be worse

Anxiety: and here are some detailed scenarios how