@TheWeirdWorld

I have never seen a construction crane being put in place. They just show up.

You Might Also Like

@_Tempo11

[voice recognition in car]

Car: “please say a command”
Me: “call Tim”
Car: “calling Sarah Marcogliese”

@iGreenMonk

I got a new high score today.

Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale!

@Spaziotwat

[First date]
Him:”Waiter!”
Waiter:”Sir?”
Him:”Could you check the toilets? My date has been gone 2 hours. Also, her coat has been stolen”

@TylerLinkin

Had a date with a lady I met on Christian Mingle. It was going fine until I told her I was Jewish & her half of the bill was $40 dollars.

@Gooooats

My daughter can just cut and paste into google translate to do her French homework, and she learns nothing. When I was her age I had to learn nothing the hard way.

@IvoryGazelle

[inventing the toaster]

engineer: Ok it burns the bread if you put it at 4

chief engineer: perfect. Make it go up to 8

@HeyJennyLeone

Your personality finally matches your looks. That’s not a compliment.