@melliemeow

I have on my new shoes today. They are so cute, and comfortable, as long as I don’t stand in them or walk in them.

You Might Also Like

@Bagyants

If you love something, let it go. From the creators of “If you’re tired, go for a run,” and “If you’re on fire, eat bees”

@TheBoydP

Why hasn’t anyone marketed bottled water as nonalcoholic vodka?

@goldengateblond

The Wicked Witch swings a light saber at Obi-Wan just as he throws a water balloon at her. All anyone finds later are piles of clothes.

@daemonic3

MOB BOSS: It has come to my attention that within this very room, we have a SNITCH

HARRY POTTER: Oh hell yeah I’ll get it

@mattZillaaaa

I’m totally fine with everyone leaving the country if Trump wins or if Hillary wins. I need more space

@WilliamAder

Panicked when I saw “Godzilla” was trending, until I found out there’s a movie.

@AnissaClingman

My brother & I’ve competed for title of family black sheep for yrs.
He checked in at a strip-club…on FB.

Well played brother, well played

@Tmoney68

I like to make sure my breath is always fresh.

*eats entire sleeve of Thin Mints*