I have on my new shoes today. They are so cute, and comfortable, as long as I don’t stand in them or walk in them.

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If you love something, let it go. From the creators of “If you’re tired, go for a run,” and “If you’re on fire, eat bees”


Why hasn’t anyone marketed bottled water as nonalcoholic vodka?


The Wicked Witch swings a light saber at Obi-Wan just as he throws a water balloon at her. All anyone finds later are piles of clothes.


MOB BOSS: It has come to my attention that within this very room, we have a SNITCH

HARRY POTTER: Oh hell yeah I’ll get it


I’m totally fine with everyone leaving the country if Trump wins or if Hillary wins. I need more space


Panicked when I saw “Godzilla” was trending, until I found out there’s a movie.


My brother & I’ve competed for title of family black sheep for yrs.
He checked in at a strip-club…on FB.

Well played brother, well played


I like to make sure my breath is always fresh.

*eats entire sleeve of Thin Mints*