The Golden Girls is the most relatable TV show for a millenial, as I too will be renting with several roommates until I’m 80
“I have so much to do” she says, staring at a tree for five years
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A surprise party on someone’s birthday isn’t surprising. A better time would be 3-4 months after their birthday, in the middle of the night.
My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs…
I’ve been his customer for 6 years.
I had no idea he was a barber.
*Shrek pre-production meeting*
Producer: Do we have a name for the dragon yet
Guy who named the donkey “Donkey”: I was thinking Dragon sir
Friend 1: I love dry shampoo; it’s so simple!
F2: no water
F3: no chemicals
Me: Your hair is filthy.
[invention of Moist Towelette]
So, we’ve got a product that everyone will use, now let’s give it a name nobody wants to say
My fantasy is having two men at once.
To all those telling me this account is a sin – Don’t worry about it, I plan on forgiving myself later
Your Honor, these 52 selfies on my clients phone at the precise moment of the crime prove that my client can only be guilty of narcissism.
On the street or subway you can only imagine what that idiot is thinking. On Twitter, you get to see what that idiot is thinking.