All these people on FB posting pics of their kids makes feel so blessed…I don’t have ugly children.
I have some bad news. I was experiencing some symptoms and got myself checked. It’s as I feared.
I tested positive for being brown.
You Might Also Like
Kids are the best get-out-of-everything card. Need to cancel plans? Blame the kids. House messy? Blame the kids. Look like a slob? Blame the kids. Cranky for absolutely no reason whatsoever? Blame the kids.
ME: *falling in love with my karate instructor* how about we turn this roundhouse into a roundhome?
KARATE INSTRUCTOR: *roundhome kicks me in the gut*
WebMD: you have all the diseases
Dark WebMD: and here’s how to spread them
white people eradicated entire populations for spices and yet the bay leaf remains a mystery
Good morning to everyone except people that eat while leaving you a voicemail.
them: did u get my email?
me: [saw it but completely forgot to respond] omg no can u resend?
I was sad until I automatically connected to the local McDonald’s WiFi, then I was ~extra~ sad.
Seven years ago THIS was all we had to worry about.
You’re an embarrassment to the human race.
What are you doing later?