@oldmanweldon: I have this fun drinking game where you take a drink every time you'd like one because you're an adult and you can make decisions yourself.
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@freshestginger: *Librarian walks in* You know what's great kids? You don't need wifi to read a book! *Kids boo* *Someone in the crowd yells "NERD"*
@ArfMeasures: [Me as a babysitter] ME: *rings the parents* We have a problem. I picked up your son David from school and he seems freaked out HER: My son is Robert ME: We have 2 problems
@fillthevacuum: Pro tip: The Labor Day weekend is a great time to start drafting your Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas tweets.