@andylassner

“I haven’t accomplished much but I will harshly judge the hard work of others”

-Critics

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@causticbob

I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB. That was a trip down memory lane.

@_elvishpresley_

Shaggy: look out, it’s a gh-gh-gh-ghost!

Fred: there’s no such thing as ghosts

Scrappy Doo, a literal talking dog: yea shaggy

@Queen_Sassy_AF

At confession today I felt like I could finally breathe, until the priest told me to put my clothes back on.

@JimmerThatisAll

Truthful Tuesday. I don’t understand string theory or open faced sandwiches.

@hipstermermaid

You raised me and taught me everything I know. Happy Father’s Day, internet.

@cheers27402373

If I had to choose between watching Frozen 1 and Frozen 2, I’d probably choose whiskey.

@FrenulumBreve

[romantic dinner]
her: “I was hoping it might just be the two of us.”
ventriloquist dummy: “he said I help with his confidence.”