@UnFitz

I haven’t prevented a single forest fire.

Is it possible that Smokey was talking to someone behind me?

You Might Also Like

@LlamaInaTux

oh you like online scams? name all the numbers on your credit card

@retreminy

I illegally download music, but only Metallica.

They seem to be pretty cool about it.

@olivialoughlin3

why do boys change into their football tops to just sit in front of the telly to watch the game ahahah a don’t stick a pair a fangs on when am watching the vampire diaries

@smithsara79

Oh really, we have nothing in common? Then how do you explain neither of us being able to stand me

@Aspersioncast

Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they’re stabbing it? No? How about now?

@RainbowJohnJ

*addresses the elephant in the room*
*puts a stamp on the elephant in the room*
“My pen pal is gonna love this.”

@ibid78

Birds do it, bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Let’s do it, let’s fly headfirst into a plate glass window.

@kiebi

It’s funny how red, white and blue represents freedom until its flashing behind you to pull over

@FattMernandez

I’m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.