I haven’t prevented a single forest fire.

Is it possible that Smokey was talking to someone behind me?

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oh you like online scams? name all the numbers on your credit card


I illegally download music, but only Metallica.

They seem to be pretty cool about it.


why do boys change into their football tops to just sit in front of the telly to watch the game ahahah a don’t stick a pair a fangs on when am watching the vampire diaries


Oh really, we have nothing in common? Then how do you explain neither of us being able to stand me


Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they’re stabbing it? No? How about now?


*addresses the elephant in the room*
*puts a stamp on the elephant in the room*
“My pen pal is gonna love this.”


Birds do it, bees do it. Even educated fleas do it. Let’s do it, let’s fly headfirst into a plate glass window.


It’s funny how red, white and blue represents freedom until its flashing behind you to pull over


I’m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.