@IamEveryDayPpl: I haven't worn corduroy since that time I almost died in a fire chasing the ice cream man...
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@oxygenplug: "Hey what should we call our multi-million dollar juice company?" "Juicy Juice" "What? Are you sure? Why don't we-" "Juicy. Juice."
@DarlingNikki_12: Never go to target in a red shirt. I was holding my kid and someone asked for help. Like yea just let me finish stocking the toddlers first.
@ericsshadow: ME: [sitting in kitchen writing out bills] SON: I lost a tooth. I'm gonna leave it under my pillow tonight. ME: I'd wait until next week.
@serendipitydon1: Tonight a woman showed me a picture of her 6'2, muscled up, super hot 21 year old son, and I calmly said, "What a handsome young man," instead of "Holy shit," even though I'd had 3 Cosmopolitans, if anyone is looking to hire a diplomat.