@online_shawn: I hold my phone up to the sunset. So pretty. I'm going to share this with everyone, I say. The year is 1964. I'm completely insane
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@dadsrpeopletoo: A Nightmare on Elm Street is a Christmas movie. Freddy wears a red and green sweater, and gives parents the gift of taking away their crippling financial burden.
@captainkalvis: ANCHOR: we now go live to our new field meteorologist who will issue a storm warning ME: *pointing at the sky* DON'T. YOU. DARE.
@iamburtjarvis: me: haha no I'm not ready to have kids yet landlord: no not parent, “pay rent.” me: don’t get me started. i’m not compensated well at work whatsoever. landlord: NO NOT PAY RANT!