i put the “:/” in “http://”.
I hope a fish kills me and takes a pic holding me so it can meet a cute girl fish on tinder
You Might Also Like
STOP HONKING! IF I DRIVE ANY FASTER THE TINY LIZARD THAT HITCHED A RIDE ON MY HOOD IS GONNA FALL TO HIS DEATH. HAVE SOME COMPASSION, PEOPLE.
[trapped under avalanche of Tupperware that fell on me from kitchen cabinet]
*updates social media with selfie*
The Little Mermaid is a bullshit title. She was a regular sized mermaid.
How I like cutting carbs
LADY: this spaghetti is a little overdone
SERVER: you’re a DOG
Me: How was school today?
Child: You can’t have a good day at school.
Me: What? Why not?
Child: Hey dad, how was work today?
Me: Oh ok I see what you’re saying.
I accept CASH APOLOGIES ONLY. Thats why its called ACCOUNTABILITY…it goes into my ACCOUNT
I don’t think people understand the potential ramifications when they say to me “just be yourself”.
Those gender reveal parties are getting crazier and crazier