*spits out mouthful of peacock feathers* I’m sorry, I thought these were for just anyone to eat. *gets escorted from zoo*
I hope “citibank” is better at math than spelling.
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Mama said there’d be days like this, and also “knock you out” ??? I don’t know, you talk to her. She sounds drunk.
If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.
Then darkness fell upon the Earth, and the demons rose to torture and feast on our souls.
CW: Jeeze Ange, it was just a cloud, lighten up.
I like my men how I like my cheesecake, rich and straight to my behind.
Lemme get this straight: you take my tonsils, I get free ice cream
what other parts of me will you take in exchange for ice cream
I hope the next Rambo movie is called ‘Rambo No. 5’ and its just Stallone dancing through the jungle shooting a little bit of this and that.
STOP HONKING! IF I DRIVE ANY FASTER THE TINY LIZARD THAT HITCHED A RIDE ON MY HOOD IS GONNA FALL TO HIS DEATH. HAVE SOME COMPASSION, PEOPLE.
9: My teacher doesn’t wear makeup like you do. I guess she doesn’t need it because she’s younger.
Me: Get out of the car.
Relationship status: My wife calls me her chauffeur because I drive her nuts…