This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
I hope my neighbors follow me on Twitter cause their car’s lights are on.
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I am NOT a grammar Nazi!
All of you number neighbor people are going to get yourselves killed. Stop talking to strangers that could potentially live near you. You’re going to get murdered or make a friend. Both are terrible.
One time I corrected a student when she spelled “through” “thru” and she responded “that’s how *I* spell it”. I could suddenly somehow see her future self putting “if you can’t handle me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best” in her Tinder profile
You never really realize how messed up your family is, until you start describing them to people that don’t know them.
Psycho or Socio, choose your path wisely.
JASON: Oh good, this saves me some time.
I don’t always kill spiders, sometimes I stare at them a short while to see if we can reach an understanding
I once confused a tube of superglue with a tube of lube.
It was horrible.
My model plane kept slipping apart
*wakes up from 2 year coma surrounded by friends & family
Where’s my phone?