@Swain_Train47

I hope that one day I am as fearless as a New York City Pigeon.

You Might Also Like

@daddydoubts

I’m not sure which is a gentler way to wake me up; my 2yo or walking barefoot through a pile of glass shards.

@djdarrellripley

Her: You are so rude… I just hate you sometimes. When you die I’m gonna dance on your grave!

Me: Not with those fat ankles!

@drinksmcgee

There are no longer any other acceptable ways to measure wind speed.

@julietactually

Saw this lady taking pics of stuff and I was like your camera is facing the wrong way, psycho

@TheAlexNevil

Telling a child to wipe his hands on the napkin 8 inches in front of him instead of his shirt is a great way to get rid of excess breath.