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@MJMcKean: I hope this Shakespeare guy is enjoying his fifteen minutes of fame.
@theDRaGnrebOrN: Why do they call it a 'reading of the will' and not a dead giveaway?
@chuuew: 8y/o: What's sex?
ME: [slightly uncomfortable] Umm. Well, what it is, umm-
8y/o: [to friend] Told ya he wouldn't know. Pay up
@JohnLyonTweets: Exciting news: I got invited to be on a heist team. Not sure what I'll be doing exactly but being a "fall guy" sounds important.
@abhorrent_wife: This could be us but you eatin'
@offbeatoliv: I like my coffee like my men...not in my colon...