@Elizasoul80

I hope to be a cat in my next life so that I can make someone’s life more fulfilling without actually having to do anything for them.

You Might Also Like

@FrazzleMyGimp

[christmas]

BROTHER: [unwraps giant foam hulk hands] Awesome!

ME: [unwraps Mark Ruffalo hands] This sucks.

@ClichedOut

Welcome to Backhanded Compliment Club, it’s so nice to meet people who don’t care how they look

@Henry_3k

You say I’m handsome but you also said your employer cancelled your optical coverage & you haven’t had new glasses in 4 years, but thanks.

@Monicann86

I wish todays youth had to endure the humiliation of having your dad pick up the landline phone and start dialing while you’re talking on it

@TheWoodenslurpy

[at stadium with child]
Me: That is batball.
[at the races]
Me: That is horse circles.
[at the opera]
Me: This is horned yodeling.

@MrsTomServo

*scampers over to ice cream truck*

Yes, I’ll take the SpongeBob who looks like he just opened the Ark of the Covenant, please.

@ddsmidt

Naw, I don’t have jaundice. Just accidentally grabbed the wrong color foundation again.