I improve my body image by watching shows with increasingly fatter characters

You Might Also Like


Overheard by myself while in the bathroom just now:

•”That’s cheating; you can’t jump off that!”
•”You’re using toothpick as a weapon?!”
•”Shh… if we only eat two each, she won’t know.”
•”I bet Mom’s reading a book in there.”


When your toddlers are teenagers don’t forget to wake them at 5am because your sock came off


me: *goes outside during the day* why is the moon is so spicy


Sorry, my husband really tends to frown on me dating.


Wow. Just found out that in England they’re called “Alvin and the Crispmunks”.


Believing that you are popular or “famous” on twitter…

…is like believing you are rich because you won a game of Monopoly.


My Comcast internet goes down so often that it’s started an OnlyFans account.