@BatBatshitcrazy: I invented a breakfast calzone this morning, hashbrowns as the double crust with an omelette in the middle. So now I have to marry myself.
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@KalvinMacleod: [Christmas] 6:30—kids are excited 7:30—kids are playing 8:00—kids are fighting 9:00—kids are crying 9:15—wife is yelling 9:30—I am drinking
@KateWhineHall: I misspelled the word "camouflage" so badly that I made 6 different letter combination changes before autocorrect would even try to help me.
@Tmoney68: My GF called me "behind the times" today. I got so upset, I paused the VCR, paged my friends & asked them to fax me their best advice.
@PedersenAhmed: My neighbours were loud and rowdy last night til 3:30, waking up our kids. So now my husband is outside starting up the leaf blower and table saw at 9am, in case you wondered what middle class suburban feuds in Canada looked like.