Him: *wipes mouth and tosses napkin on unfinished plate*
Me: *seductively slides napkin to the side and finishes his meal*
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
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Whenever someone says “I don’t have a horse in that race” I respond with “You don’t have a horse at all, Reggie. You have a cat & diabetes.”
Roses are red.
My name is not Dave.
This poem makes no sense.
Him: Hi, my names Marc with a ‘C’
Me: You’re not like other girls.
3-year-old: *continues looking for the right Barbie to fight her dinosaurs*
So, this is hard to say, but: Worcestershire sauce
70% of writing is writ?
Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers?
I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those.
Two. I have 2 kids.
British police don’t carry guns. So what exactly do they do then?
Yell “STOP… OR I’LL SAY STOP AGAIN!”
Date: Don’t tell anyone we met online. It’s embarrassing.
Friend: Where’d you guys meet?
Me: Family reunion