@LarrysTwin99
@protolalia
How do you call a meerkat?
C’meerkat.
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@protolalia
@Gupton68
10: “What are we doing today?
Me: “We’re gonna make tacos.”
10: “Then what are we going to do?”
Me: “…I’ll be eating tacos.”
@StranDadAbroad
I accidentally sent my kids to Mimecraft camp and haven’t heard from them since.
@mrtruthandsoul
“I think I stepped in some upchuck”
What’s up, Chuck?
“Not much, but my name’s not Chuck”
*vomits*
@daemonic3
Rather than vote, let’s all fill out the 29 dimensions of what we want in a president and let eHarmony decide.
@wolfpupy
if they didn’t want me to take the coins off a dead man’s eyes they would have moved the gumball machine further away.
@ieatanddrink
Put together a list of the PROS and CONS of pizza for those of you who are on the fence!
@markedly
*continues eating while receiving the Heimlich*
@iamspacegirl
the Lord is my shepherd, He shaves my entire body to make sweaters
@robdelaney
I have never “cat called” a woman. I go home, paint her from memory & then yell at the painting. It’s called respect.