how to be a yogi
1. do a good stretch
2. get ready to steal hella picnic baskets
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
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One time my teacher was telling a story about war and the girl in front of me slowly opened her laptop and liked Downy on Facebook.
Me: why isn’t a boy ant called an uncle
Date: why isn’t a girl praying mantis called a praying womantis
*we do it right there*
tattoo artist: so you want a pair of scissors, are you a hair stylist
me: no I just hate running
Me: It’s unrealistic that the Angels blindly trusted Charlie’s voice coming through a speaker, amirite?
Siri: I’m not sure I understand
“See you on the other side…”
~Me every time I’m at a gate with someone
“It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s Superman!”
“A spider? An aardvark?”
“Wrong. It’s a horse.”
“Wow. You can’t draw for shit.”
I sure hope skinny jeans are still in fashion. After all the calories I consumed over the holidays that’s what all my pants are now.
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of their’s that they don’t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
DOCTOR: Well, I can’t find anything wrong with you. I suspect the problem is heavy drinking
ME: Should I come back when you’ve sobered up?