Oh, when sharks grow an extra set of teeth it’s “cool” and “neat but when I do it it’s “what’s happening to that man’s face mommy?” and “why is he slinking back into the sewer mommy?”
I just called up the phone company and put em on hold. Every 5min i come on an tell them how important their business is to me. Please hold.
You Might Also Like
Facebook needs an “I’ve already seen this on Twitter” button.
“Farm to fork”, but it’s just me taking you to a corn maze to bang.
I was so excited. Thought I found an M&M at the bottom of my purse. It was only an earbud. I ate it anyway.
If you’re not going to offer booze at your wedding, at least have the decency to provide a wifi password.
Me *texting* I found a genie!
Wife: ok don’t do anything stupid
Me *finishing my 3rd taco* like what
ME *traps wasp under a cup*
MAGICIAN GHOST WHO HAUNTS ME *appears & sets down 2 more cups*
MAGICIAN GHOST *starts to shuffle them*
You would think with the whole “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” that there would be more body builders walking around.
I don’t gossip because:
1. It’s not my business.
2. I’m no better than anyone else.
3. And no one tells me any good juicy stuff 🙁
My crush said he made his phone keys sticky thinking of me so I dumped him. I’m disgusted.
What kind of loser still has keys on his phone?