@Cheeseboy22

I just checked Web MD and a heart that grows two sizes is called a cardiomegaly and the grinch is pretty fortunate to be alive.

You Might Also Like

@mattmanic

How cute would it be if park rangers had tiny handcuffs for raccoons that steal campers’ food?

@eborg01

I’m at my most James Bond when I charge past the guards*, use my atomic laser**, and open the safe***
* 3 cats
** can opener
*** catfood can

@realHamOnWry

73% of being white is looking like every limb hears a different beat when you’re dancing.

@BrettDruck

May he without sin cast the first stone
[Everybody picks up rocks]
Sharing Netflix passwords counts as sin
[Everybody puts rocks back down]

@FilthyRichmond

Walmart keeps two elderly people on staff at all times: one to greet you, and one to walk slowly in front of you on the way out.

@E_Ville13

Awww, I remember when I was 18 and thought I was an adult too. Good times.