@M_Papz

I just died ????????????????????

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@MUMSIEesq

ME: My husband says you use special traps that put the mice outside to play with their friends

EXTERMINATOR [LOOKS AT HUSBAND]: umm, yeaahh

@Staggfilms

Cat stuck in a tree? Have you tried placing a computer keyboard at the bottom?

@weinerdog4life

No time to explain, I need 300 copies of this cat!

*throws cat at Kinko’s employee

@t0shiba

Sometimes I type a ‘C’ when I meant to type an ‘A’. And now I have to apologize to my ‘Aunt’

@ArfMeasures

Me: You should have been more specific

Wife: When I said fill my car up, obviously I meant fuel

Me: ok that does make more sense

@SkinnerSteven

🎶 I’m a cat, boy / in a sealed box I hide / I’m Wanted / dead and alive!

– Bon Schröedi

@drinksmcgee

If you’re going to lie about where you’re from, at least try to make it sound like a real place and not something fake like “New Zealand”

@EmilyFlake

My child has started writing raps and while I love her and applaud this development I wonder if she lacks the years of life experience the form demands