11 famous chickens who flew the coop, number 7 will surprise you
I just drank an entire bottle of wine and feel the urge to help someone with math homework and declare that laundry piles are now furniture.
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Every time you reach under the couch for something a giant spider must choose whether or not to give up its secure location.
GUIDE: i told you not to feed the monkeys
ME: it’s a cigar
“Pharaoh, we have completed the pyramids. They align to communicate with the galaxy”
Sweet. Hey look at these stupid cats I drew LOL
My superpower is my ability to spell ‘banana’ without any help from Gwen Stefani
colleges: i’m going to put you in so much debt you can’t even breathe
also colleges: *teary voice* what do you mean you won’t donate to our alumni fund
My patience has stretch marks.
So what’s a personal strength?
And a failing?
“I murder people who don’t hire me.”
Mom, your tweets are mostly outdated pop culture references
“yeah and I woulda gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling kids”
*takes personality test*