You’d be surprised how many strangers will let you hug them when you approach with open arms & a big smile.
None. I’ve been stabbed 3 times
I just found out five people I went to high school with are dead. What’s taking the rest of them so long?
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“We like the idea, we do. We’re just afraid it’s going to keep the viewer awake.” – Sundance Channel execs
*curtsying before the royal duck court*
Saw Interstellar over the weekend & was totally glued to my seat. The movie was OK but the getting-glued-to-my-seat thing ruined it for me.
What do we want?
A CURE FOR PARANOIA
When do we want it?
WHO WANTS TO KNOW
Cop: we have you surrounded! Get down on the ground now!
Cardboard Man: sigh not again
*cops start breakdancing*
Dance like nobody’s watching. Sing like nobody’s listening. Walk around the party eating the cheeseball like an apple.
day 1: dear diary i have been stranded on a desert island
day 18: im starting to think that help will never come
day 120: i was rescued by a couple fishermen!
day 121: i have been dropped back off on the island because i kept saying “thank cod u guys found me” to the fishermen
I’ve been waxing my car for twenty years and I still don’t know karate.
Subway Guy: Enjoy your sandwich
Me: You too!
Me: *gives him my sandwich* this is yours now