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@sarahbryant_: I just found this on someone's car....
I have no words
@_elvishpresley_: [first day as a cop]
me: suspect is running nude through downtown
dispatch: copy that
me: *starts undressing*
@JimmerThatisAll: Be yourself; everyone else is already Batman.
@Shen_the_Bird: angel: so this birth thing should probably be as simple as possible
god: yeah i was thinking we start with an army of tiny genetic ghost tadpoles that live in the balls
angel: ok first question why
god: wait i'm not finished
@lisaxy424: It doesn't matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.