I just had a coughing fit and think I accidently created a Nicki Minaj song featuring Ke$ha.

Sorry, you guys.

You Might Also Like


Who, me? Oh, just living the dream. You know, that one where you forget to wear clothes to work.


Did you dream of me, baby?

-Are you a swimming pool full of Lucky Charms & milk?

No, silly.

-Then no.


Interviewer: So where do you see yourself in five years?

Me: I’d say my biggest weakness is listening.


My kid asked me what my childhood was like so I took the batteries out of the remote and had him change channels by hand the rest of night.


My friend returned a Tupperware container without the lid, so now I’m offering a reward for its safe return.


Did they try rubbing butter on the boat that’s stuck in the Suez Canal?


Just heard a Mexican guy sneeze with an American accent. Whoa, just whoa


If getting a tan is wrong then I don’t wanna be white.


“Take it with a pinch of salt,” my dad always used to say.

Lovely man.

Made horrible tea.