Beyoncé: Who run the world?
Beyoncé: This really changes my song
I just had the thought “pfft. Your father can’t die before you are born,” and I believed it for a full minute. Because I’m smert.
You Might Also Like
Don’t ask a pregnant lady “do you know the sex?” obviously she knows about sex she’s pregnant you stupid idiot
I am at my most drunk when I go from chat room to chat room yelling WHO STOLE MY POPTART!!
*waits till lights dim in the movie theater*
*Takes bowl of hot lobster bisque out of purse*
AMERICAN SNIPER is, without a doubt, the most violent entry in the AMERICAN PIE series
If you didn’t want to get bitten you shouldn’t have looked at my cinnamon rolls
The dinosaurs died for our sins.
Son: Dad is it true you named us after things you saw in the yard?
Dad: Yes we did, Hawk.
Grill: You could have looked around a bit.
*judge bangs gavel on desk*
*judge cooks gavel breakfast in the morning*
*judge tell gavel he loves her*
*judge marries gavel*
I started to go to yoga today and then I remembered that I could lie on the floor in my own house without driving anywhere.