@SeanLowe09

I just heated up a delicious chocolate brownie and put some ice cream on top of it & sat on the couch to enjoy it.

Seconds later, Catherine asked Samuel if he’d like a bite on MY brownie.

I faked a smile and gave him a bite.

Soon after, she asked him AGAIN.

I have no wife.

You Might Also Like

@OhNoSheTwitnt

Nothing like an 8:00 meeting on a Monday morning to remind you that your best years are behind you.

@Adar79Angie

I’d make a horrible movie murder victim.When I hear strange noises in the night I roll over and figure, eh, they’ll work themselves out.

@I_Mee_Myself_

My girlfriend just walked in and called me gay… If
my nails weren’t drying I swear to god…

@lasergirl70

“I didn’t come here to argue.”

– people who definitely came to argue.

@MikeCanRant

Dont trust any kids asking for bread this Halloween. Theyre more than likely just ducks dressed up as kids. I wont fall for that again.

@BuckyIsotope

You’re in a room with a murderer and someone who makes sandwiches with the crust end of the bread and you have 1 bullet. Who do-
“Bread guy”

@MissBamantha

I like to pride myself on knowing whether it’s Ice Ice Baby or Under Pressure by the first bum bum bum badda dum bum.

@PopeFrancisXXX

If Mary gave birth to Jesus & Jesus is the lamb of God, then did Mary have a little lamb?