None of my boyfriends even know they’re dating me.
I just laid on my cat’s keyboard while he was working on a last minute PowerPoint presentation.
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People accuse me of never giving a damn about anyone but myself, but I distinctly remember saying ‘bless you’ when someone sneezed last year
I wonder if my dog gets embarrassed when I give him kisses in front of other dogs at the park.
Everything I know about the Royal family has been learned against my will
“Yous ain’t passin’!” – Gandolfini
What can I get you?
I’ll have a large coffee, black
“You don’t have to say black”
I’ll have a large coffee, African American
If Twitter was any more fun we’d have to smuggle it in from Mexico.
I’ll always remember the day my wife said “yes” to my proposal.
And I’ll never forget that it was the last thing we ever agreed on.
Folks, what’s the deal with Stuart Little. Husband and wife go to an adoption agency and they give them a rat in a sweater. Surely illegal