@TheCatWhisprer

I just laid on my cat’s keyboard while he was working on a last minute PowerPoint presentation.

You Might Also Like

@krishna_van

People accuse me of never giving a damn about anyone but myself, but I distinctly remember saying ‘bless you’ when someone sneezed last year

@_Tempo11

I wonder if my dog gets embarrassed when I give him kisses in front of other dogs at the park.

@NoticablyBacon

Everything I know about the Royal family has been learned against my will

@JessObsess

[Starbucks]
What can I get you?

I’ll have a large coffee, black

“You don’t have to say black”

I’ll have a large coffee, African American

@GingerGander

If Twitter was any more fun we’d have to smuggle it in from Mexico.

@ShaunRightNow

I’ll always remember the day my wife said “yes” to my proposal.

And I’ll never forget that it was the last thing we ever agreed on.

@jrhennessy

Folks, what’s the deal with Stuart Little. Husband and wife go to an adoption agency and they give them a rat in a sweater. Surely illegal