Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@bridger_w

In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don’t think I can keep watching movies

@TheHyyyype

[speed-dating]

ME: wanna see a magic trick?

HER: sure!

ME: yikes *writes “27 years old and still believes in magic” in notebook*

@PJTLynch

An annoying part of life in the 80s was when you’re already late and, once again, you gotta shoo away some sexy lady lying all over your car

@shanethevein

The tampon aisle is a terrible place to pick up chicks.

@SondraDeeMe

I’m at an age where I don’t spring into action.
I dead of winter into action.

@ch000ch

Juliet: yo I’m dead
Romeo: same
Juliet: OR AM I…

@

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1) Text
2) Call
3) Doorbell
4) Urinal Convo
5) Backseat popup
6) Under bed ankle grab”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}

@disaster_dog

if there were a zombie apocalypse i’d save a lot of kids but it would be only because i’d need them later to feed zombies so i can run away

@caithuls

honestly if it were raining men I would not hallelujah

@

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