@thomaskeamon: I just learned today that Cardi B's real name is belcalis almanzar. I said that shit out loud and my furniture started floating
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@Jen_Mahabir: If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet with intelligent life - lets just make patterns in their crop and leave.
@ThaJawn: *breathes on window creating condensation *starts to write in condensation *sneezes *head slams into window and breaks it
@BeckFlatley: I heard if you click that little follow button, Twitter releases one of the captive birds it uses for its logo. Do the right thing.
@robcorddry: Batman's an example of a guy who took his parents double homicide and made lemonade