Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
I just made your acquaintance, and this is preposterous, but here is my address, perhaps thou shall mail me maybe.
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Yesterday CNN reported that “sitting will kill you, even if you exercise” and I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but living will kill you.
*lays in bed for 12 hours
I guess I’ll get up now
*walks over to couch & lays down
Done with dating sites. I’m now focusing on pizza delivery guys because at least I know they have a job, a car, and pizza.
getting animal crossing for my mom is the best thing i’ve ever done
“Daddy, why do dogs need whiskers?”
-my 7-year-old son, while discreetly holding scissors in one hand and dog whiskers in the other
I keep my wine glasses on the top shelf to make sure I stretch daily.
My husband says I never do anything, so I just cleaned out our bank account.
Indians will wait 25 years to have sex but not 25 seconds for the traffic signal to turn green.
My 12 year old sent me an email asking permission to spend a no school day at a friend’s house. I wish I could post the whole thing but I’ll just share the introductory paragraph.