there was a girl on tv show who was crying sayin “i miss america” and it was real sad until someone corected her grammar and gave her a sash
I just managed to eat a bag of chips without waking the dog like some kinda ninja.
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DOC: good news is you’ll make it
DOC: …into the the record book for stupidest way to die
ME: *still vomiting marshmallows*
Of course I trust you, the hidden cameras were to capture possible paranormal activities.
I’m pretty sure the coupon I gave you for a $7 haircut suggests that I’m not interested in that $44 bottle of shampoo, but thank you.
[drops the bass]
[gets fired from fishmongers]
Chinese Food: $16.72
Gas to Get to Restaurant: $1.94
Getting Home and Realizing They Forgot One of Your Food Containers: Riceless
person: how long does it take to get there?
me: 3 songs
Don’t believe that bullshit.
Failure is ALWAYS an option.
Can’t wait for the google doodle guy to get dumped and make things super personal.