@funnyfries: I just met a woman who told me she had "trouble keeping weight on" in times of stress. I ate her.
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@murrman5: brent use the shallow end why you're not a strong swimmer I am so *jumps* [doesnt surface because I have $1.75 worth of change in my pocket]
@StupidSophia_: Me: "The only person I need in my life is you." Bartender: "Please stop trying to hold my hand."
@FuckabillyRex: I have a bad feeling I'll be wearing one of those barrels with suspenders by the end of the year, but not in a fun, whimsical way.
@junejuly12: ...in my purse, in my coat pocket, in the fridge, in the pantry, beside the corkscrew... [Chapstick Season]